Saturday at the orphanage

Oksana and me

The kids eating their potatoes.

Sweet Tonya (not smiling here, but she smiles a lot)

Maks and Alona with little Shoysta

We went for our visit at the orphanage today. I was happy to see a little more going on today for the kids. It's just so boring for them! Their needs are met, and I believe as far as orphanages go, this is one great orphanage. Make no mistake though, an orphanage is still an institution. Today, though, Maks, Alona and Nat's group was building a bonfire when we got there. Maks and one of the other older boys had climbed the fence and were getting old tree limbs for the fire. There were two group leaders with the group. Actually, there was more than just their group, a few of the older kids in other groups were with them. Most of the children seem to be between 3-6 years old. Maks is one of the oldest at 10 and there are two girls that are 12 still at the orphanage. One the gals, Tonya, is being pursued for adoption from her host family this summer. I'm so thankful for that because she is a precious girl. I love spending time with her! The other older girl, Olga, was also hosted and I believe has a host family that wants to adopt her plus her 3 siblings, but paperwork is in the way. It is so sad to think that some of these children could be placed with loving families, but paperwork slows or sometimes even prevents the process. The kids who were hosted this summer seem so bright and still remember and speak some great English. They seem more confident. Just in case any future hosting opportunities arise for you, I can see by visiting the orphanage that there really are advantages for those children who are hosted.

Okay, back to the day, once the fire is burning well, they bring a pot of potatoes and place them as they are under the ashes. While they are cooking they have juice. They also have pieces of bread in another pot. They put the bread on sticks and toast it. Actually, "toast" is probably too gentle a word. Most of the kids, seeing as how they are 5 and 6, set the bread right on the burning ash and scorch it. While this is happening, other children are finding old plastic trash and placing it on the fire. Yum yum! And yes, the kids ate the scorched bread. Thankfully the only person who offered me a bit was Tonya, and she did a little better job at toasting! The group leaders have been very gracious. They had two mugs of coffee and offered David one. He took it and drank it, although he doesn't care for coffee. They were so sweet though and sent one of the gals back up for another cup for them. Once the potatoes finish, they take them out and they eat them. Some with the skin and all. David had a little pocket knife, and Maks used that to take the skin off his. It was sad because some of the little ones cried as they got their little fingers burned holding the hot potato. One little girl, maybe 3, had pulled her jean jacket down over her hand and was attempting to balance the potato on there while it cooled. In a weird way, it's kinda funny how we take such care to wash our hands, wash our food, etc etc and these kids are absolutely filthy and eating whatever, drinking after one another, etc. The caregivers really seem to love the kids, especially the older ones. They were showing a lot of affection to Tonya and Maks. The little ones seem to get no attention at all. Honestly I believe it's just too much and if you show them attention and affection they want more, and there's simply not enough caregivers to go around. Thus the children are left to comfort themselves, entertain themselves, protect themselves. They are quite resourceful at a very young age. The youngest in their group, Shoysta (something like that), is less than 2 years old. She just kind of lies around. Most of the time today she sat in this little drain or laid on a blanket. Maks really loves her though. The first day we were there we were getting ready to go outside but she needed to be changed. The caregiver told Maks he needed to do it. I think this must be his job a lot of the time. So, he didn't really want to, but he goes over there and quickly starts changing her. She doesn't wear a diaper and I notice her undies and tights are wet. So, he quickly takes off her tights, although she is beginning to do this herself, and gets ready to put new tights on (over the wet undies) when the caregiver now has time for her so she is passed on. She just sits there as she is passed from person to person.

There is so much I want to share about this experience, but it seems so overwhelming. There are other stories. Nothing over-dramatic and nothing "horrible" but it's just sad. Heartbreaking really. I want to do so much, as I know you would if you were here. The reality is there is not anything that is quick and easy to do. We can give money, we can give clothes and all those things are fine and good, and in many orphanages those are needs that are not being met. At this orphanage they have clothes and food and toothbrushes. That does not give them what they need. They need love. They need attention. They need affection. They need to know their is a King who has great plans for them. I resolve that I will touch them and I will speak out loud the name of Jesus to them. That is where my hope lies. Jesus. It is a name that when spoken is powerful! So I am trying to look these babies in the eyes and tell them Jesus loves them. Jesus knows them and has plans for them. They are special to Him. No, they may not understand my English words, but I believe choosing to do something in the name of Jesus diminishes the darkness that surrounds them and seeks to destroy their precious lives. Today, a little 3-year-old girl, Oksana, attached herself to me. When I showed her attention, she would not let go. She was desperate to touch me, for me to touch her. As we walked hand-in-hand I spoke over her the verses that the Lord has put on my heart to memorize these past 4 months. These verses have comforted me and empowered me through this adoption process. I believe they comforted Oksana today. "I will call on you God, because you will answer me. Listen closely to me, hear what I say." " You will keep in perfect peace the mind that is dependent on You, for it is trusting in You. Trust in the Lord, for in Yah, the Lord, is an everlasting rock." "Now, may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing as you overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." etc, etc. Little Oksana cried when Alona decided she had enough of my attention. I had to move along with the ones God has called me to, and watch Oksana walk behind us crying with no one to comfort her.

I don't have all the answers. I'm having trouble dealing with the emotion of it all. My mind just can't even process all that I am seeing. I know this is a dark world. I also know God is good. I've thought a lot about that the past few days. When God gave us the smooth paperwork process and the quick court date, I said over and over, "God is so good." I also know that if God didn't give us what we asked for, that He still is good. In the lives of these orphans, God is good. As I hurt for Oksana and all the other toddlers I saw today, I realized that God is blessing me with a bit of what He sees. He sees these babies all the time and hears their cries. He understands their heart's desires even when they don't. I want to see as He sees and love as He loves. I'm not even close. I know that. I also know that He calls us to step outside ourselves and our little world and seek Him, learn to love Him and what He loves. He will be faithful to show us our part in this if we do. With love, Jenny